Relationships

I don't think I should be in relationships... I'm a serious disaster at it. Probably can write a thesis on how to go about screwing it up."

That's one single line I wrote when i'd started to write this blog a few months back.. It never got beyond that, because i could not put my feelings to paper.. The above line still holds true.. But then i'm more clearer about my feelings now. The only issue which remains is not being clear about the other person's feelings..

Yes I know he cares, cares a lot.. But sometimes I feel that maybe that's not enough.. But that's being unfair since I started the relationship with complete and total awareness of his feelings. He's always told me that falling in love is not going to happen to him.

But well a girl can dream :)

I know I want more but how much more I don't know.. Do i want marriage? Which everybody believes is the natural goal of a relationship. But I've done it once and now I don't know if I really want to go down that path. So then what does that mean? I'm happy with all the key aspects of the relationship so then why do I crib.. Is the conditioning of years so difficult to overcome? I know I want to see more of him and the inability to do do does cause issues. Which was not a major issue as long as I was in Delhi, but here outside of my comfort zone I feel the need to hold on to him like an anchor. The relationship, at times, seems like the only good thing going for me in this city. But then creating stress on it is not going to help my cause..

I shld learn to be patient, to enjoy the moment etc, etc,etc.. Oh how many times do I need to repeat this to myself? I keep doing it but somehow on this bit my brain tends to behave like its got one major leak in it and thus I forget to follow these rules at the key junctures when I need to do so..

If I keep this up I will definitely not have a relationship to worry about.. Aah well I can then write my thesis finally :)